


Ray of Light I thru XV

by Laura JV (jacquez)



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-30
Updated: 1999-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-20 10:17:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11333754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacquez/pseuds/Laura%20JV
Summary: This is a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully.





	Ray of Light I thru XV

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Ray of Light I: Drowned World/Substitute for Love by Laura Jacquez Valentine

28 Nov 98  
Title: Ray of Light I: Drowned World/Substitute for Love  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone, but nothing explicit.  
Spoilers: various, up to Gethsemane.  
Rating: R (language, innuendo)  
Summary: This is the first in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Drowned World/Substitute for Love takes place during Gethsemane.   
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. Hard. With an anvil.

I think I managed to hide it from Dana. She knows something that I don't, and maybe if I hadn't hidden my shock she would have told me. But if I'd let go of my control for a second I would have been clinging to her for dear life, in the busy hallway outside Fox's apartment. I can't afford to draw any more attention to us right now. There's too much shit hitting the fan as it is.

Fox is dead. Suicide never seemed like his style, but then, perhaps I didn't know him as well as I thought. Perhaps his brilliance and his humor and his strangeness were all to cover his ass. I wonder how he got past the psych exams--but he did know how they worked, what they were looking for.

Still. If he killed himself, I'll go fuck a sheep. I can't believe that of him.

I want to get drunk. Very, very drunk, and I want to go to Dana and beg her to sleep with me, to let me lose myself and my pain in her body. God. She'd slap me if she knew I thought these things. She'd slap me again if she knew what I thought about Fox.

Fox had the most fuckable mouth in creation. Completely wasted on a heterosexual man.

I wish I could have both of them. But Dana is dying, and Fox is dead, and there is nothing I can do but wait for the forensics on Fox's body.

I fell in love with him when he protected me during that little murdered-hooker fiasco. He was loyal to me when I needed loyalty the most. I wondered then if he loved me. I watched him so closely after that--how could I have missed his world falling apart? If it did. Which it may have, or it may not have. 

I've been in love with her since before my marriage started to fall apart. It's impossible to work closely with her and not love her. She is thinner now, shadowed with pain, trying so hard to keep going.

I should have said something a long time ago, to both of them. But he loved her, and how she felt she kept secret, and I'm their direct superior. It would have meant heads on a platter and careers in the toilet if I'd said anything. Or, God forbid, drawn any more attention to them. 

Drawing attention. That's what they do. We do. Fox and Dana, the prettiest pair in the goddamn FBI, and the most unorthodox, and the best. Bar none, the best. Or they were the best. There's only one of them now, and she is dying. Even when she looks healthy, she's dying. Her skin gets more translucent every day, her face gets thinner, her bones surface in her body, carving planes where there were curves.

My mind is running in circles. Every time I close my eyes, Fox is kissing me. Which he never did in life. And then the sight of his body, that faceless bloody head. Dana is hiding something, and she doesn't trust me. I want to get drunk. I want to fuck Fox. I want to fuck Dana. I want someone to hold at night.

I want to kill that smoking bastard, preferably by shoving a fistful of lit cigarettes down his throat.

I want to know what the fuck is going on. A flood is coming. I can feel it in Dana's silence and Fox's death. I'm tired and angry and in pain, and I don't know if I can hold back the waters alone. But I'm willing to try.

Hard work is a substitute for love. If I can't have them, I can run myself into the ground.

 

* * *

 

28 Nov 98

Title: Ray of Light II: Swim  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone, but nothing explicit.  
Spoilers: various, up to Redux I.  
Rating: R (language, innuendo)  
Summary: This is the second in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Swim takes place just after Redux I, but before Redux II.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

I knew there was a flood coming. I fucking knew it. I'm losing--have already lost--Dana. The body wasn't Fox's, and she didn't trust me enough to tell me. And the accusation in her eyes when she collapsed, as though my presence triggered something--

God, Dana, how did I lose you? What do you believe I did? I'm being set up. Your silence about Fox, about how sick you were, about your suspicions--what the hell do you know that you didn't say?

I held her when she collapsed, felt the coolness of her skin and the flutter of her heart. She was so fragile in my arms. The strength of her character is all the strength she has these days. Dana is dying, and God knows where Fox is. Perhaps *only* God knows where Fox is.

Hell. She looks like an angel now more than ever. She seems to shine as she lies there, silent, her life bleeding away from her. I want to cradle her body against mine, curl up behind her on the bed, protect her.

She wouldn't appreciate the sentiment.

I want to go out and find Fox and kiss him senseless and then ream him a new asshole for frightening me, for making me think he was dead. That's not entirely figurative, to be honest. My fantasies about Fox have been getting steadily more explicit for months.

For all his flirting with me, I'm almost certain he's straight. Dana would know for sure, but she'd never tell me. Not that she could, now. She sleeps the sleep of the dying.

I wonder if they're lovers. I've never been sure how she feels about him. She's a hard woman to read sometimes. As hard as heartbreak, as beautiful as sunrise, an enigma wrapped in a riddle. Fuck. How am I supposed to understand what's going on, to protect both of them, when no one tells me anything?

My only hope is for Fox to turn up, in that magical way of turning up that he has, and tell me. If he doesn't think I betrayed them, as Dana so clearly does. This is worse than I thought. The flood has hit us, and I was right: I can't hold it back by myself.

If Fox doesn't come to me, if he is no longer loyal to me, this sink-or-swim game will end the wrong way for all of us. I have my suspicions, but no one I can trust--and Fox is a stronger swimmer than I.

 

* * *

 

28 Nov 98  
Title: Ray of Light III: Ray of Light  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone, but nothing explicit.  
Spoilers: various, up to Redux II.  
Rating: R (language, innuendo)  
Summary: This is the third in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Ray of Light takes place during Gethsemane.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

I feel as though I can breathe for the first time in weeks. Months. Hell. Fox is sleeping across the room, snoring softly. He couldn't go home, so I insisted he sleep on my couch. He looks so vulnerable lying there, his mouth slack. 

His loyalty to me is incredible. I knew I was being set up. I knew there was nothing I could do or say to stop it. When I saw him in the hospital, saw him alive, and had to tell him Dana was dying, that the end was so close we could reach out and touch it--I thought he would turn against me, but he didn't. He trusted me. He looked into my eyes with complete honesty and told me what he knew.

Keep playing it the way you're playing it, I'd told him. I knew he could do it, could keep my head and his and hers above water. The man who can outswim the flood.

When I went to talk to Dana earlier this evening, she told me what she had suspected. She asked for forgiveness--not necessary, Dana my love. I know what they were doing. She told me about Fox's refusal to believe that I was the mole. I was touched. I felt blessed. Only Fox would ignore all the evidence because he knew, somehow, that it wasn't me. Only Fox.

I kissed her on the forehead, slipping out of boss-mode for just a second. Beautiful Dana. Her skin was still translucent, her bones still sharp underneath. But she no longer hated me, and she no longer hovered on the edge of death. She would live, thank God.

When I left, Fox was still sitting outside. His fingers were smeared with the Smoking Man's blood. He'd tried to clean off the picture I'd given him, the picture of him with his sister. He looked calm, but his mouth gave him away. He'd been crying. 

"Do you have a place to stay?" I asked.

He stared at me blankly. 

"Your apartment isn't in any shape to be slept in, Agent Mulder."

He smiled then, a small rueful smile. "I can stay at Scully's. I have a key..."

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone."

He sighed and stood up. "No, I don't suppose it is. You offering, sir?"

"I'm offering. I don't have a spare bedroom, but I do have a couch."

"A couch." He looked disappointed. Not my imagination, I'm sure of it, in light of what happened shortly afterwards.

We left the hospital together, after he said a brief goodbye to Dana--a goodbye which included a perfect replica of my kiss. Does she know how lucky she is that you love her, Fox? I hope she does. I'd hate to see you unappreciated.

We reached my building without incident, but when we got to my apartment--

He turned to me and smiled, a tired, thin smile. "Sir?"

"Agent Mulder?"

And he was in my arms, holding onto me. Tightly--so very tightly. I reached up and tilted his head back, tangling my fingers in his hair, looking down into his face. This was so sudden. He was shaking against me, and that mouth of his...

I kissed him. Softly. Not really expecting a reaction, but unable to resist.

And he leaned into me, returned the kiss. Pulled me closer to him. I could feel his erection pressing against me, and I knew he must feel mine. I guided him to the couch and drew him down with me.

I held him and kissed him and that, dammit, is all. He's too vulnerable now, too shell-shocked. And so am I. After an hour he fell asleep. He's covered in an afghan Sharon once made as a birthday present for me.

Fox, living and breathing, loyal and perhaps loving, asleep near me. Dana coming back from the edge of death. It's enough to restore weakened faith, enough to make me feel God has allowed a ray of light into my life.

\---  
End

 

* * *

 

28 Nov 98  
Title: Ray of Light IV: Candy Perfume Girl  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone, but  
nothing explicit.  
Spoilers: various, up to Redux II.  
Rating: PG (innuendo)  
Summary: This is the fourth in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Candy Perfume Girl takes place during some nebulous off-screen time in the fifth season, after Scully is released from the hospital but before she goes back to work.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. Feedback to or   
The next story in this series, Skin, will be NC-17 slash. See? I do have a point after all.  
And, due to idiocy on my part, I said that Ray of Light happened during Gethesemane. D'oh! It was during/shortly after Redux II.

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

Fox and I went to see Dana today. Not together, but we arrived at the same time. "No such thing as coincidence, sir," he said when he saw me. I just shrugged. He's right, of course. With the three of us, there are no coincidences. There are too many people trying to pull our strings to allow for coincidences. I resisted the urge to kiss him. I haven't kissed him since that first night in my apartment, although he stayed there for nearly a week. We haven't discussed it, either, though I want to.

Dana let us in. She was wearing pale blue sweatpants and a white tshirt, and she looked delighted to see us. Her smile is so lovely, and she looks so much better than just a few weeks ago. She's put on weight, and the dark circles are gone from her eyes.

She padded through the apartment, and I tried to watch her feet--unobtrusively, of course. She had on these fuzzy socks which intrigued me. Dana in a power suit is one thing, Dana vulnerable in a hospital gown is another, and this...Dana looking for all the world like a cuddly armful of girl...this was something else.

I caught Fox's eye and we knew we were thinking the same thing. "She'd kill us," he mouthed at me, eyes twinkling.

"If she knew," I mouthed back. He chuckled.

"What's so funny?" she asked, spinning on her heel to look at us. 

"Nothing." Simultaneously.

"Uh-huh." Dana the Skeptic, as always. It was so good to see her mobile again, her strength returning, the life in her step.

She stared Fox down and turned to me. "Something you want to tell me, sir?"

"It's wonderful to see you up and about again, Agent Scully."

She twisted her mouth at me. "You're fibbing to me, sir. That's not what you wanted to say."

"You smell incredible, Agent Scully."

Fox sounded like he was about to die by strangulation. I held her eyes. "That's what I wanted to say, Agent Scully."

She thought it over and started to laugh. "It's because I don't smell sick anymore, sir. Healthy pheromones and a shower--the two greatest aphrodisiac--never mind, sir." She was still laughing. Fox was still making dying noises, so I thumped him on the back, trying to cover my confusion. Did she admit something there? Was I just imagining it? Dana wouldn't come onto me. It's not her style.

Fox winced under my hand and I pulled back. "Sorry. Got carried away."

The three of us stood there like idiots until Dana cleared her throat and disappeared into the kitchen. She returned with two glasses of iced tea. When she handed me one, she brushed her fingers across mine. I nearly dropped the glass. God, Dana--

"Cheating on me already, sir?" Fox asked.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. "What?"

They looked at each other and snickered. So. They'd been discussing me behind my back. I wondered if he'd told her about the kiss. I wondered if she knew that I was in love with them both. I wondered if she knew he was in love with her.

Good God, those two will drive me insane before this is all over.

If it's ever over.

If none of us dies first.

For now, it's enough that Dana smells like heaven.

 

* * *

 

28 Nov 98  
Title: Ray of Light V: Skin  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc.  
Spoilers: various, up to Mind's Eye.  
Rating: NC-17 for m/m sex  
Summary: This is the fifth a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Scully, however, is almost totally absent from this story. Skin takes place after Mind's Eye.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. Feedback to or   
laura jacquez valentine -+- http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez "I'd give you a cherry if I knew someone around here who had one." --Mary Ellen Curtin

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

Fox is asleep on my couch again. It's been quite some time since he was there, since just after we learned that Dana would live. When he came back from this last case, there was something...

Something that bothered him, though he hid it at work. But I opened my door earlier this evening to find him standing there, that lower lip of his betraying him. It always does. He'd been crying, and probably hadn't been able to find Dana.

"Sir, can I talk to you?"

I let him into the apartment without questioning him. Forcing things out of Fox always makes me feel like I'm raping him. No means no with him, and I'm not sure if it's sick or not that he's stuck by me when I've forced him so many times--

Best not to think about that. Because of what happened.

So there he was, fidgeting slightly, looking at me. Haunted and beautiful. I stood there, my hand on the closed door, transfixed. He frowned at me and walked past me into the living room, where he flopped onto the couch, as graceless as I've ever seen him.

I brought him a glass of water and sat down next to him. He drank half the water and then held it in his hands, staring at it.

"Fox?"

"She reminded me of me, sir. She--what she could do--I mean, she was limited, but--" He stopped and put the glass down. His fingers played nervously with each other between his knees.

"Who, Agent Mulder?"

"Marty Glenn. The blind girl. She--she could see inside his head. I remember--I hated profiling, sir. I--sometimes, I couldn't get out of people's heads afterwards. Do you have anything stronger to drink?"

I got up, brought him Scotch on the rocks. I didn't say anything. I'd never seen him this upset.

"I don't--she could have been--goddammit."

I've never seen anyone drink Scotch that fast. "Agent Mulder, when was the last time you ate?"

"I had a sandwich for lunch. She--" and he stopped again.

"I'll make you something." I went to the kitchen. I was feeling a little bitter about the whole thing. Every time Fox ends up here, beautiful and disheveled, I want to make love to him. And every time he ends up here he's vulnerable and worn and not in any kind of shape... but that's neither here nor there, now.

He followed me into the kitchen, where I made him soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, stretching my cooking skills to the max. I also gave him a beer, hoping he wouldn't ask for more Scotch. It's not a solution, Fox, I wanted to say, and didn't.

He kept talking, mumbling around the food. "She just--you know, we both have a natural talent for getting inside heads, just she could only do it with one person. And she had to kill him to get out. I mean, what if that happens to me? I still--I mean, you can't *stop* profiling if you're good at it. People ask. And you do it all the time anyway. You can't turn it off. And I hate it, sir. I could turn into one of them. Sir."

"Do you want me to keep those requests off your back, Agent Mulder?"

He stared at me for a moment, his eyes blank. "No. No, I mean, catching them, that's important, that matters. I'd hate myself if I didn't do it. But it scares the hell out of me." He slurped at the soup for a few minutes, a frown between his eyebrows.

"I profiled you, sir. And Scully. I mean, since I know you, I have more clues about you, and I can make such a detailed profile I feel like I'm invading your privacy, but I--it's nothing you don't have written all over you, and I--I can't help doing it. It just happens. I'm sorry."

"It's all right. I don't mind." Like hell I didn't mind. What did he know about me that I didn't?

He laughed. "Yes, sir, you mind." He raised his head and met my eyes. He was still hurting, but I saw something--

"Fox, it's really that you profile people you know that bothers you, isn't it?"

His mouth twisted into a parody of itself. "UNSUBs scare the hell out of me. I don't want to get stuck in their heads. But yeah. It bothers me that I do this to people who are supposed to be able to trust me. It bothers me that I can look at Scully and know she knows I'm in love with her but she won't do anything about it. It bothers me that I look at you and know you don't know I'm in love with you." He stood up and grabbed the half-empty bottle of beer, then left the kitchen.

I'm surprised I had the presence of mind to follow him back to the living room, where he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

I'm even more surprised I managed to beat him to it.

"Fox."

He tugged at the door, his head down. I couldn't see his face. "I'm sorry, sir. I'm leaving. Will resign on Monday if you want. Sorry."

"No one said anything about resigning, Agent Mulder." I was *furious*. I knew he could hear it in my voice. But I was damn sure he didn't know *why* I was furious.

"Sir?"

"You're in love with me?"

"Yeah."

"Eloquence itself, Fox. Keep talking like that and I'll have to kiss you to shut you up."

His head snapped up. I take my advantages where I can get them. "Did your profile also tell you I was in love with Dana? And with you?"

He sighed. "Yes, sir."

"Well, then." I pulled his hand off the doorknob and used it to pull him against me.

Part 2.  
\-------

Fox doesn't stay surprised for long. I'm pretty sure he thought that I would go into a boss routine and chew him out about Bureau regulations. But profiles--even his profiles--aren't perfect, and he'd rarely seen me outside of the office.

Fox, surprised or not, is a tremendously good kisser. With that mouth, he'd have to be.

I shouldn't be writing this down.

But I'm afraid I'll forget. No matter how unlikely it is that I could forget sex with Fox Mulder.

I held him against me, kissing him. I hadn't kissed him since the last time he stayed here. I shouldn't have kissed him, but I did, and the consequences--well, damn the consequences, full speed ahead.

I slid my hands from his back to his ass and pulled his groin closer to mine, pressing my erection into him. Oh, yes, there was an answer to the question I was asking, in the sudden pressure of his cock against my hip, and his hands under my shirt.

We stumbled back to the living room and landed on the couch. "You're overdressed, Fox," I said, indicating his shirt and tie and slacks.

"So're you."

"But not as much." I was wearing only a t-shirt and jeans, and I was barefoot.

"Sonofa--" I silenced him with another kiss as I undid his belt and the slacks, then slid my hand under his boxers--which had little glow-in-the-dark aliens on them, damn him--to his erection. I began to stroke him, gently at first, then with a firmer touch when he started to leak pre-cum.

He moaned against my mouth, and I relented and let him go. We undressed then, quickly, not romantically, but romantic undressing has never been my strong suit. And, I suspect, it's never been his either.

The touch of his skin on mine was incredible. I began fondling his balls, caressing his cock, teasing him, touching him lightly with my mouth and my hands and then pulling back. Fox is not a demanding partner, but he is a responsive one. So responsive, in fact, that I wonder when the last time he was with someone was. He hasn't been with Dana, that much is clear.

He arched his back and twisted underneath me, and I pulled back. He laughed up at me--I probably looked startled--and flipped us over. My turn to be surprised. He kissed a line down my body, starting at my left ear, pausing only to graze my nipples with his teeth, and ending at my inner thigh.

His breath was warm against me, and the sharp pain of suction and teeth--that left a bruise that I can still feel--just where my leg begins--was incredibly erotic. He soothed the spot with his tongue and then continued to lick, working his way to my cock, then up my cock...

I have to admit I never really thought I'd get the best blowjob of my life from Fox.

"You've done this before."

He pulled back and laughed. "Not for a long time. I'm not as flexible as I used to be."

I made a noise that was somewhere between a chuckle and a moan. Even in bed, he could be trusted to say the strangest things. "You're a sick fuck, Fox."

"You don't know that yet, sir."

"When I'm naked, I'm *definitely* Walter, not sir."

"Yes, sir." And his mouth was back at work, and I wasn't exactly coherent enough to respond.

He knows just when to add a little pain as an accent. He knows exactly where I love to be touched. He has this little ripply thing he does with his tongue. He may as well have sucked me dry with a straw, because that made me come, thrusting into his mouth, feeling the heat of his throat around me--how does he relax his throat like that?--my cock spasming and finally softening. And then he licked me clean of any droplets he'd missed, catlike, beautiful, and crawled up to cuddle next to me.

I kissed him, tasted the salt and bitter taste of ejaculate, and reached for his erection. He jerked away from me.

"I can't reciprocate, Fox?"

"I'm tired," he said. "Tomorrow, maybe." And he closed his eyes and snuggled into the hollow between my shoulder and my chest. After about an hour, I slid him onto the couch, boneless in sleep.

Damned if I know what the hell is going on with him. He wanted me to touch him earlier, he responded so well--and then he turns off like he was the one who had come, not me. I don't understand the man.

But he's sleeping on my couch, naked and beautiful. (I finally got to fuck that mouth of his, but that's not what's important. I don't want this to be about fucking. I wanted to give him pleasure, and he wouldn't let me. Damn him.) I'm going to carry him into my bedroom and hold him all night, and tomorrow he will tell me what's going on. And he will come. In my hand, my mouth, my body...somewhere. I won't let this be one-sided.

Not when I finally have one of the lovers I've always wanted.

\---  
The End. The next story in the Ray of Light series will be "Nothing Really Matters".

 

* * *

 

Finally got my act together, although the vacation from work probably has more to do with it.  
This is a story in the Ray of Light series. The previous stories can be found on my web page: http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez/writing/fanfic.html  
Title: Ray of Light VI: Nothing Really Matters  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc.  
Spoilers: various, up to All Souls.  
Rating: PG-13 for language, innuendo, discussion of m/m sex.  
Summary: This is the sixth a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Nothing Really Matters takes place shortly after the previous Ray of Light story, Skin, and after All Souls.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

Dana came to see me earlier today. It was the funniest thing, seeing her at my door, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that read "You Don't Know Me: Federal Witness Protection Program".

"Mulder got it for me," she explained as she stepped inside without waiting for an invitation. "He called me this morning and said you might want someone to talk to."

I ran a hand over my head and sighed as we walked to the living room and sat down on the couch. "Did he tell you why?"

"Yes. He said that the other night, you two--"

"Had sex. Yes. And he...Dana, he is the strangest person I've ever--hell."

She laughed. "He's got some problems. Self-hate being one of them. That's why I've never slept with him." She cocked her head to one side and smiled at me. "He said he did let you reciprocate, eventually."

"Eventually. When he was half-asleep the next morning."

"You should have tied him down and given him a good spanking when he pulled that touch-me-not shit, Walter. I chewed him out for it when he told me."

She called me Walter. Not sir, not A.D. Skinner. I felt my breath catch and hoped it wasn't audible. "Thank you, Dana."

"He told me the next day what had happened, you know. But he seemed to think you were OK with it. And then...I suppose you said something or did something that made him think you weren't. I don't know what."

I snorted. "I probably started mooning after him or something nonsensical like that. I wish...I wish he'd come back. When he's acting normally, he's...fun." I realized what I had said, and blushed. "In and out of bed."

She looked away. "I, uh, spent part of today in Confession. Mulder told you about that...unofficial investigation I was doing? Into those girls' deaths?"

"He mentioned it at work the other day."

She studied her hands for a second. "It was something that I had to just let happen, Walter. I could have fought it, tried to change it--but it wouldn't have worked. I would have made things worse. Mulder and you--you just need to let it happen. If you push him, he'll just retreat into his normal habits."

"What are his normal habits?"

Now she was blushing. "They're...mostly solo habits, sir. Pornography and masturbation, and I have reason to suspect auto-erotic asphyxiation as well. Possibly anonymous pickups in bars and the like, though I doubt it, and possibly phone sex."

"Possibly?"

"Possibly." She raised a bemused eyebrow at me.

"What makes it hard is that I love him, Dana. And I love you."

"Walter, that's also what makes it *matter*." I looked into those eyes, those incredible blue eyes. I inhaled and smelled her, like heaven on earth. She blinked and smiled again. "Here. I thought you might get a kick out of this. I stole it from Mulder's desk."

She held out a microtape recorder and pressed play. Her voice, tinny through the tiny speaker, said "Yesterday morning, when I arrived at work, you were, uh, characteristically exuberant."

The Texas vampire case. Good God. I laughed at her version, and laughed even more at Fox's. When they'd submitted their typed report, and explained the case to me in my office, they'd left out the screamingly funny bits--like Fox singing the theme to "Shaft". Well, except for the buck teeth. Fox seemed to have a real hangup about those. "I think his crush on you was showing," I told Dana after the tape had finished.

"Doesn't it always?" She leaned against me and I wrapped an arm around her, held her close. It felt good, this friendship, this trust. We sat there a long time, but finally she had to leave. I kissed her goodbye, and she promised to come by for dinner on Wednesday.

Nothing matters except that I love you, Dana, and that I love Fox. If I have to wait for this to unfold as you believe it should, Dana, I'll wait. But I wonder what you believe it will be. I hope it is the same thing I believe it will...

\---

The End of "Nothing Really Matters". Next story in the "Ray of Light" series will be "Sky Fits Heaven".

laura jacquez valentine -+- http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez  
"Prozac? Grape-flavored. Chewable. Mmm." --Goats  
Jesus is a meme. -+- http://www.memepool.com/

 

* * *

 

Title: Ray of Light VII: Sky Fits Heaven  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc.  
Spoilers: various, up to Fight The Future.  
Rating: R for language & m/m sex.   
Summary: This is the seventh in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Sky Fits Heaven takes place during Fight The Future (but most of the action occurs before FTF...oh, hell, it'll be clear when you read it).  
In my own little X-Files universe, Diana is Mulder's ex-wife, which explains the wedding ring in Travellers and Unusual Suspects.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. For the earlier stories in the series, see http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez/writing/fanfic.html  
Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

So I got tired of waiting. Tired of sitting up until all hours hoping one of them would knock on my door. Tired of Dana's occasional sympathetic touches on my wrist and of Fox's slow slide into insanity.

Well, not insanity, unless you think trying to restart a relationship with the woman who walked on you years ago is insanity. Which I think it is. Sharon and I were one thing--there wasn't even a year of separation between us and she hadn't...well, whatever Diana Fowley did to Fox when she left, Sharon didn't do it. Dana may have a reputation as an ice queen, but Fowley is one. No matter how open and friendly she appears.

So help me God, I was worried she'd weaseled her way into Fox's bed. I got territorial, as if having sex with someone made them property. I shouldn't have done what I did, but I had to listen to my heart. Had to follow the road where it led me.

I went to his apartment. He looked startled when he opened the door, wearing boxers and an old t-shirt, but he let me in. "Sir?"

"Walter."

He blushed. "Can I get you something?"

"No, I'm fine." I jiggled my hands slightly in the pockets of my trench coat. "How are you?"

"Fine." He shifted his weight and looked at me, confused and wary. "Why are you here?"

I didn't get to be an AD by being at a loss for words. "I wanted to check on you."

He smirked. "I bet. You and Scully, I swear." He turned and walked across the room. "Jealous, Walter? Afraid Diana's going to trip me? Fuck you, and fuck Scully." He looked at me again, a snarl distorting that mouth. "You don't own me."

I swallowed and looked at the floor. "I care about you."

"That and seventy-five cents will--"

"I know, goddamit! Don't you think I know, Mulder? I'm allowed to worry." I moved closer to him, closer, until I invaded his space. Until I was nearly brushing against him. "She's dirtier than I am, Fox. She and Spender are in this deep. I can feel it."

"She's not."

"Then she will be, soon. She's here for a reason. She's too close to you and to the X-Files for there not to be a reason."

"She's here to help."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I heard the hiss of air between my teeth when I exhaled. "So am I. You have to trust me, Mulder."

His expression softened. "I do." He raised a hand and laid it on my chest. We were so close that the back of it touched his own body, connected us. A circuit completing.

I pulled him close to me and kissed him, feeling his mouth open beneath mine, the rise of that deep runner's chest against me, smelling his soap. I tangled my hands in his hair and held him that way. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed this.

Yes, I had. It was why I'd gone, wasn't it? Jealousy and desire brought me to him, as desperation brought him to me. Ugly and needful and the way we were, because we couldn't be the way we wanted. Even together, we were incomplete, needy, Dana's absence almost painful.

He moaned against my mouth and tugged my coat over my shoulders. I helped him, left it lying on the floor. Slid my hand inside his boxers and felt his body shake against me. Stumbled backwards until we found the couch.

He didn't pull the touch-me-not routine this time. He let me undress him, let me scrape my teeth over his nipples and trail kisses down his body. Let me take his cock in my mouth and gave in to what I was doing. I tried a trick I learned from Sharon: curling my tongue as though I were trying to roll it, and sucking hard.

It works on him at least as well as it does on me. He cried out and thrust hard into my mouth, trembling in orgasm.

We fell asleep there, his naked body pressed tightly to my clothed one. I stroked his hair until his breathing evened out, and then I let myself drift into rest.

It was crazy. I'd meant to wait. For both of them.

But he just called me and told me he's heading to Antarctica to find Dana, and would I mind having a rescue detail standing by?

And if I lose them, my only regret will be waiting for her.

Waiting will kill me.

But at least I followed my heart.

\---  
The End of "Sky Fits Heaven".   
Next story in the "Ray of Light" series will be Shanti/Ashtangi.

laura jacquez valentine -+- http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez  
"Prozac? Grape-flavored. Chewable. Mmm." --Goats  
Jesus is a meme. -+- http://www.memepool.com/

 

* * *

 

Date: 16 Jan 1999  
Title: Ray of Light VIII: Shanti/Ashtangi  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc.  
Spoilers: various, up to Terms of Endearment (sort of)  
Rating: PG-13 for language and discussion of m/m sex  
Summary: This is the eighth in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Shanti/Ashtangi takes place just after The Beginning, and contains lots of SkinnerAngst.  
In my own little X-Files universe, Diana is Mulder's ex-wife, which explains the wedding ring in Travellers and Unusual Suspects.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. For the earlier stories in the series, see http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez/writing/fanfic.html  
Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

They took them away from me. The no-contact order is in my desk at work. I'm thinking of having it framed and hung in my office. They won't know how to interpret that, will they? Am I reminding myself? Am I protesting? God fucking dammit, they took Fox and Dana away from me.

I have my sources, and I still have the X-Files. Spender and his paper shredder seem to be well-acquainted already, but I have the custodial staff on my side. Fox will get regular packages of shredded X-Files. I know he's rebuilding some he salvaged from the fire and "forgot" to turn over to me, what are a few more?

Oh, Fox...I dreamed of you last night, of the way you felt against me. I woke up hard and almost drove to your apartment. Jealousy and desire again, hoping to find you alone and wanting, as I was. The no-contact order hurts. I'd give anything for the chance to deny a 302 for you again. To be close enough to smell Dana's perfume and your aftershave.

Anything for the two of you. They caught me helping you, and now I couldn't be more on the outside than if I'd voted to reassign you to the X-Files. Spender is in the smoking man's pocket, I can feel it. Kersh is playing a dangerous game, a game I once played, a game I lost by choosing truth over power. I'm as far outside as you, Dana, Fox...and I'm cut off from you, desperate for a sign. Anything that tells me you trust me, that you still want my help in the fight.

Since I've lost them, I've come to know myself. For the first time in years I know where I stand. When did I cross that line? When I kissed him? When I knew I loved them both? When I saw how much he trusted me, when his eyes burned into me as he said Blevins' name? When Dana apologized to me from her hospital bed?

I thought I was sitting on a fence. Suddenly, I've found myself miles into forbidden territory. It's a feeling I remember.

I wonder if this time it'll be the death of me.

It can't be any worse than living without them.

\----  
End "Shanti/Ashtangi". Skinner gets some, I swear, in #9: "Frozen".

laura jacquez valentine -+- http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez  
"Prozac? Grape-flavored. Chewable. Mmm." --Goats  
Jesus is a meme. -+- http://www.memepool.com/

 

* * *

 

Title: Ray of Light IX: Frozen  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc.  
Spoilers: various, up to Triangle  
Rating: R for m/f sex and m/m UST  
Summary: This is the ninth in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Frozen takes place after Triangle.  
Warning for the slashfen: Despite Skinner's well-documented (by many of us, at least) lust for Mulder, he's in a het mood in this one. Which, if you've read the other Ray of Light stories, you have to have seen coming. Not to worry, he still covets Mulder's ass and will demonstrate it in later stories.  
In my own little X-Files universe, Diana is Mulder's ex-wife, which explains the wedding ring in Travellers and Unusual Suspects.  
Standard disclaimers apply: Chris Carter, Fox, 1013 are the holy trinity, and I'm just a renegade priest.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. For the earlier stories in the series, see http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez/writing/fanfic.html  
Feedback to or 

* * *

Frozen

I barely had time to think when Dana charged into my office. She was so upset and controlling it so well. And, Lord, does she ever know me. "This isn't for me, it's for Agent Mulder." For Fox I'd jump through fire--and for her, but she'd never say that, never give a sign that she knows it. I've done it so many times.

Not as many times as I should have.

I spoke to her as though she meant nothing to me, as though my job and the no-contact order were all that mattered. And I tried to let her know what I know: my office is bugged, my assistant is listening at the other side of the door. "Use your head, Scully. It'll save your ass." And I memorized the words on that piece of paper.

The hurt and anger in her eyes were almost too much to bear. As soon as she left I yanked open the door and yelled at my assistant, reminding her that Agents Scully and Mulder were Under No Circumstances allowed to bother me. Then I grabbed my coat and stormed past her, my hand already questing for the cellphone in the pocket.

An Assistant Director of the FBI knows a lot of people. Some of them are even useful. And some of them figure that if I'm calling for something, the FBI needs it, and needs it *now*. And sometimes, I'm just lucky.

Lucky enough, this time.

If I'd know that this was what it took to get Dana to kiss me, I would've done it years ago. Her mouth against mine was warm and soft; her kiss was fierce and her body--how can I describe how she felt against me at that moment?

I was surprised I'd recovered enough to yell at her when the elevator doors opened, and that I was thinking quickly enough to get in Spender's way and prevent him from getting in there with her.

Not that I was worried about her, but I doubt very much that the custodial staff would've appreciated cleaning up little pieces of Spender from the floor.

I stalked down the hallway, past Kersh and the smoking bastard, around a corner, down the stairs, and out of the building. Garage. Car. Airport. Plane.

I found Dana and those three reprobate friends of Fox's at the airport. I suspect one of them is wanted for breaking into a DoD database in 1989...for a case Mulder was working on. I wonder if that's when they met. I wonder if John Byers has any idea that he's a wanted man.

I swear to God, now I'm having lustful thoughts about Fox's *friends*. What the hell is wrong with me?

We split up: I got two hotel rooms--all I could afford-- and they found the Queen Anne and Fox. Badly battered, his lungs full of water. I met them at the dock, and we managed to fold him into the back seat of the small rented car. Dana rode next to him, holding him tightly. He was too still, and I felt panic tightening my chest until Frohicke said "I'm going to kill him when he wakes up," and Dana laughed.

He woke up eventually. I threatened to kick his ass, which he richly deserves for the worry I've had to go through with this. And for calling me a Nazi. Or dreaming me as a Nazi. Goddammit, Fox--you've slept wrapped around me, you've told me you trust me--what do I need to do to have you see me as I am?

I waved the Three Stooges on and waited for Dana outside Fox's room. She came out, a worried frown on her face. "Dana?"

Her lips tightened. "Can I talk to you, Walter?"

\---

We walked back to the hotel. I was sharing a room with Fox's friends, and Dana was next door. I didn't relish the thought of sleeping with those three, but--

Dana didn't say much on the way back, and I let her. She needed to get her head together, obviously. I needed to get mine together. So we didn't talk until we were standing outside her room.

"We can talk inside," she said. I followed her in.

"This is against regulations, Agent Scully."

"But, sir, this is a romantic getaway!"

I laughed, and she laughed with me. I love laughing with her. "Romantic, perhaps. But a getaway? Not with Mulder down the block. We can't escape him."

"Do we want to?"

"It would make life easier. Boring, but easier."

She sat down on the bed, suddenly serious. "He told me that he loves me."

I moved over to her, sat down next to her. "He did?"

"I...blew him off."

"You did?"

"Yes, I did. Of *course* I did." She cocked her head and studied me. "Starting a relationship with him would be too complicated. I can't do that--it would risk too much. Mulder doesn't always think things through."

"You mean me."

"No. Well, yes. You. But you don't have to work with him every day, sleep one door down from him when you're out of town and no one will know if you go through the connecting door." Dana, heartbreakingly lovely Dana, is even lovelier when she's sad. "They already know they can use me against him. Why give them more ammunition?"

I snorted. "I've given them plenty."

"But nothing more damning than what they already had." That was true. Sleeping with a male subordinate was peanuts to what they had--on me and on him. Strange to think of it that way--sleeping with Fox was probably the least risky thing in my association with him.

Dana and I sat in silence for a few minutes, a comfortable silence. I could feel the heat radiating from her body, hear her breathing.

"About earlier. I was out of line in your office. I should have thought--they've probably got you bugged."

"It's OK."

"About the elevator. I hope you didn't...I hope I didn't upset you."

"If by 'upset' you mean 'incredibly turned on', Agent Scully, I'll have you know--"

I don't know what prompted me to say that, but my instincts were good. She interrupted me with a kiss before I could finish the sentence. A real kiss, open-mouthed, tongue, hot and needy and she tasted so good...

She pressed against me, her body so tiny against mine--she's a full foot shorter than I am and probably a hundred pounds lighter--but capable of evoking such a response from me that I wonder how I ever thought I had any control over her, professionally or personally.

I leaned back and pulled her on top of me, and she slid her hands between us to unbutton my shirt. And I couldn't get out of my clothes fast enough; couldn't get her out of hers fast enough; couldn't wait to feel skin on skin.

We rolled over, naked, and she arched her body under mine. "I don't have any protection, Dana," I said, as I felt the warmth of her, the wetness of her, against me.

She made a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a sob, and said "We don't need any if you're clean."

"I'm clean." And I buried myself in her, felt her legs lock around me, felt myself end and begin in that moment, with her.

She was sin and absolution in one package, my reason for living and the woman I'd die for. In that room, at that time, there was no one and nothing else--no ghost of Sharon, no spectre of Fox, no conspiracy, no pain. 

She cried out against my chest, and I shuddered as I came into her, then turned over and pulled her on top of me, cuddled her close.

I wish I could have frozen that moment in time, kept us relaxed and warm and satisfied forever.

But then, I wish so many things.

\---  
The End.

Skinner doesn't get any in the next installment, "The Power of Good-bye". Poor Skinner. But Fox and Dana don't get any either.

\--laura

 

* * *

 

I bet you thought I forgot.  
I don't forget.

Title: Ray of Light X: The Power of Good-bye  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone.  
Spoilers: various, up to S.R. 819  
Rating: R, for language  
Summary: This is the tenth in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. The Power of Good-bye takes place after Skinner leaves the hospital, but before the "three weeks later" scenes in S.R. 819.  
Disclaimer: FOX. 1013. Chris Carter. Not me.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics.  
Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

Dana drove me home from the hospital. Fox was waiting at my apartment. They...kissed me so gently. Tucked me into bed and tucked themselves around me, and I knew they'd talked about this. Compared notes on my qualities as a lover, no doubt.

I didn't fucking care. Dana curled up in my arms and Fox wrapped himself around my back and I slept until I woke up hungry. Then they cooked for me, took care of me, and accepted that I wouldn't speak to them.

After a day, I did speak to them. "Get out."

They frowned at me. Oh, Dana, please understand. I begged her without saying a word. Dana, please--

She took Fox's arm and pulled him away, ending the showdown. They packed their spare clothes in silence, left in silence. Left me in silence.

Fuck. I wanted them back, but it was dangerous. I'd died twice--hadn't enjoyed it either time--and damned if I was going to die again, or risk them--

Not that they aren't at risk. But goddammit--how am I supposed to protect them when I can feel that my body is not my own?

Is this how rape feels?

Is this how slavery feels?

Will I ever own myself again, or did I give up that right--that privilege--the day the smoking man walked into my office and told me to keep  
a tight rein on one Agent Fox Mulder.

As if Fox ever let anyone rein him in.

I know what I have to do to protect them. I have to make them believe that I'm not on their side anymore. How I can do that when I'm sure Dana's told him what I said in the hospital I don't know.

Maybe I can persuade them to pretend, until I find out what's going on.

Maybe I can persuade them to stay away.

I called Fox's apartment, but he wasn't there. Or he wasn't picking up.

I opened my door to make sure they weren't camping in the hallway.

Then I went back to bed and started to work out a plan. Chase them away, but keep them close. Tell them no, but nod my head.

Say good-bye with every ounce of authority I had. Hope they saw the double meaning in my eyes.

\----

The End. Oh no! The next ROL story, To Have and Not To Hold, will...  
no, I won't tell you....

laura jacquez valentine -+- http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez  
Unused Steven Seagal Movie Title: RENT TO OWN  
Jesus is a meme. -+- http://www.memepool.com/

 

* * *

 

Title: Ray of Light XI: To Have and Not To Hold  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone. (These codes are *series* codes and may not all apply to this part of the series.)  
Spoilers: various, up to One Son  
Rating: R/NC-17ish for language and m/m sex.  
Summary: This is the eleventh in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. To Have and Not To Hold takes place after One Son.  
Disclaimer: FOX. 1013. Chris Carter. Not me.  
In my own little X-Files universe, Diana is Mulder's ex-wife, which explains the wedding ring in Travellers and Unusual Suspects.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

I went to Fox's last night, to check on him. It was late, I'd had to deal with--fuck, with so much. Processing Spender's resignation. I hadn't even finished that when they found his body.

"Suicide?" Kersh asked me when I called him.

"I doubt it," I answered. "I want Agent Scully to see the body."

The four of us--Kersh, Fox, Dana, me--met in Spender's office. God.

Dana inspected the body quickly and professionally. "Not suicide," she said. "He had his hand up defensively, and he tried to cover the wound before whoever shot him put this gun in his hand. See? There's blood on his palm, and powder burns on his fingers--right here." She looked up at us. "There aren't many people with enough access to do this."

"I can think of two," Fox said, his voice bland. "His father, and Diana."

"Diana Fowley's pulled an Alex Krycek on us," I said. "She didn't show for work, and her phone's disconnected."

"Fuck," Kersh said.

Not that I blame him. It took me a hell of a long time to adjust to the simple fact that Fox Mulder wasn't crazier than a rabid dog. If I ever adjusted to it.

So I spent the rest of the day getting the mess cleaned up and the paperwork cleaned up and working with Kersh to get Dana and Fox back with the X-Files and...God, it was just too much. Although having Jay Kersh as an ally almost made it worth it. That man is a bulldog. Loyal. Tenacious. And much cleaner than I am, which helps. No skeletons in his closet.

I'm rambling.

So I went to Fox's. Not entirely on my own; Dana called me and asked me to check on him. Which I did.

He opened the door angry. "Goddammit, Walter!"

"What?" I was surprised and shocked. He turned and stalked back into the apartment. I followed.

He sat on the couch and stared at me, his eyes a maddingly gold, burning into me. Reading my sins. Come and see the man who told me all I ever did...

"You. And Scully. Fuck you both."

"What?"

"She called you, didn't she? She left here an hour ago, you know. I had to threaten to call the police to get her to leave." His jaw worked slowly, the bone and muscle making the skin ripple. "She thinks I can't take care of myself. She thinks I'm fragile and love-starved."

I held still, waiting for him to continue.

"And you think the same thing, Walter. Fuck you." I opened my mouth to deny it and found myself pressed back against the wall, his hand over my mouth. "Don't bother to deny it. You're a damn liar if you do."

He let me go and returned to his seat on the couch, as lightening-quick in retreat as he'd been in striking. "So I didn't have the perfect childhood. No one does. So I'm a bit strange, and too fucking smart for my own good, and so my father was involved in the strangest of conspiracies. So what? No one ever thought Spender was incompetent because of his missing father and lunatic mother, oh no, just Spooky Mulder." He leaned forward and I frowned, wondering if he was going to come at me again. "You know, that nickname was originally complimentary. 'It's spooky how quickly he picks things up. It's spooky how accurate his profiles are. It's spooky.' And then when I got the X-Files, they figured 'Hell, another brilliant profiler cracked under the strain, and isn't it funny what they've got him doing now, poor bastard.' Spooky for a different reason."

He was studying me again. "What they couldn't figure was why I kept working the nasty profiles. If it had broken me, how could I continue? Wasn't that weird? Wasn't that spooky all over again? Motherfuckers."

I walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. He didn't seem to notice--he kept staring at the place where I had been. "So Scully thinks I've always been cracked, thinks my time in Violent Crimes scarred me, thinks my father was a sonovabitch, thinks I'm in need of constant care because once she was over here and I didn't have anything in my fridge. So I hadn't been home in three weeks--we were out of town, and I had a girlfriend at the time and was sleeping there--what the hell did she expect? So sometimes I don't have anything to do on weekends and I pester her. Big fucking deal, Walter. I'm thirty-seven; I've lived on my own since my marriage broke up; I can fucking well take care of myself. So you can go home and call Scully and tell her that her damn mothering instinct has once again succeeded in pissing me off."

"You were married?"

His eyes snapped to my face, still golden and angry. "Who did you think Diana was? My mother?"

"I knew she was your ex-girlfriend."

"Ex-wife." He smiled bitterly. "I wonder if she was under orders from the smoker then or not."

I reached out to him. "Fox--"

"No, Walter." I froze, then let my hand drop. He watched me for a few moments, and his eyes softened. "Sometimes, Walter, a case will mess me up. That happens. It happens to everyone. Some people sit up all night shaking. Some people cry. I go looking for comfort sex. It's not unusual. It's not symptomatic of anything but a normal human reaction. Sometimes I just want to reassure myself that I'm capable of more than causing death or pain or--whatever. That I can still give someone pleasure."

I couldn't meet his eyes. Was I comfort sex to him? Nothing more? I looked down, away from him.

"But I don't need them to take care of me. I don't need to be kept in bubblewrap." He sighed. "Scully tries to do that. She thinks I'm insane half the time. She loves me, but she can't *see* me. You...I thought you knew that I was OK. That I wouldn't break. Or did you suck me off on the theory that it would keep me from falling apart?"

"Fox, I wouldn't--"

"No, I don't suppose you would." He placed his hands over mine. "Sometimes, Walter, I get lucky and the person I love lets me love them. And sometimes they love me enough not to be selfish."

I looked up in time to see him move in to kiss me.

God.

I had forgotten how good he tastes, how strong he is. I'm taller and broader and stronger, but he has a swimmer's strong spare body. Which I had to touch. I slid my hands under his t-shirt, my fingers against his skin, feeling the muscles gliding underneath.

He fumbled with the snap on my jeans, pulled his mouth away from mine and laughed. "Fuck, Walter, did you weld this together?"

"It's a chastity belt. Keeps me safe from agents who try to get fresh."

"I was succeeding at getting fresh until this damn thing thwarted me." He sat back and skinned off his shirt, then his pants.

He was wearing those damn alien boxers again. And he was taking my turtleneck off, kissing my exposed skin, rubbing himself against me.

"Bed?" I asked.

"Mmm." He stood up and I followed him out of the room.

Into a very nice bedroom. "You know, Fox, some people swear you don't have a bedroom."

"I didn't. I have no idea where this came from. Someone redecorated my entire apartment. I sold most of the stuff, but kept this. Figured it might come in handy if I wanted to screw my way back to the X-Files."

"Is that what you think of me?"

"No, I figured I'd screw you at your place. You have better beer. I mean, last time I couldn't offer you anything to drink except--"

"Don't say it."

"You never let me have any fun."

"Liar."

"Pot. Kettle. Black."

"Fuck you."

"Please."

I unsnapped my jeans and took them off, then pushed him down on the bed. His erection was warm through his boxers, warm against my stomach, and he ran his fingers over my back and underneath my shorts.

I kissed him again and froze as something occurred to me.

"The nanotech in my blood, Fox--"

He lay very still for a minute. Then, "Condoms in the lower drawer. And I'll top."

"Right."

And that was that. He moved under me, trembling, and I rolled off of him and started to stroke him through his boxers. "I love you, Fox," I said.

He grinned wickedly. "Pulling out the big guns, hey Walter?"

"I'll big gun you," I growled, and knew I'd fallen for it when his hand wrapped around my erection.

"Yes," he said, "you will."

\---  
The End.  
The next story in the Ray of Light series will be "Little Star".

In which Skinner gets some more richly deserved sex.

 

* * *

 

Title: Ray of Light XII: Little Star  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone. (These codes are *series* codes and may not all apply to this part of the series.)  
Spoilers: various, up to Monday  
Rating: R for language and m/m innuendo/sex-play.  
Summary: This is the twelfth in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Little Star takes place after Monday. Would that be Tuesday? No, make it Wednesday. No, make it Wednesday of the week after.  
Disclaimer: FOX. 1013. Chris Carter. Not me.  
In my own little X-Files universe, Diana is Mulder's ex-wife, which explains the wedding ring in Travellers and Unusual Suspects.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

Jay Kersh and I had dinner after work. He's behind me all the way, which I expected, and behind Mulder and Scully, which I'd hoped for. Although after Monday last week, I'm not sure that Mulder isn't slipping into his fast-and-loose ways again.

But then, maybe he's not. He behaved almost all of last week, except for Monday. That's a longer stretch of good behavior than I've gotten out of him in a long time.

He's waiting. We're all waiting. We're not sure for what, but Diana Fowley was not among the dead at the hangar, and sometimes I see the pain of that betrayal in his eyes. And sometimes I think he knows the waiting is over, and is simply sparing us the bad news.

So Jay and I were eating and talking, and suddenly he went very quiet.

I stopped and stared at him.

He sighed. "Walt."

"Yes?"

"About Mulder."

"Yes?"

"How long have you been sleeping with him?"

I frowned. "What makes you think I am?"

"Come on, Walt! I've known you more than twenty years. You've always been...appreciative of men. And the way you look at him--well." He shrugged. "So. How long?"

"A while. Not regularly."

"Oh. Scully too?"

"Once."

"What's she like?"

"Fuck you. That's inappropriate."

"The way I hear it, I'm the only one you're not fucking."

"Lucky you."

He grinned at me and went back to his dinner. I was relieved to let the subject drop.

After dinner, I sat in my car for almost an hour, debating.

Finally I headed over to Mulder's apartment. We've been seeing each other about twice a week since he and Scully were reassigned to the X-Files. Sleeping together, almost exclusively at my place.

Not regularly, Jay, not until recently. Like I'd tell him that. He won't use it against us, but I think Mulder's paranoia has begun to rub off on me.

Mulder opened the door as though he'd been expecting me, which he shouldn't have been. "Walter. Come on in."

I stepped inside. "Kersh knows."

He crossed his arms and looked at me. "Oh?"

"He asked. I told him."

"You trust him?"

"I trust him enough to tell him you've been an occasional partner."

"That's no big deal, Walter. Christ, half the field agents in the Bureau have freaked on a case and gone running to their partner or their ASAC or whatever. Kersh knows that."

"I know. I just thought you should."

He shrugged. "Want something to drink? Scotch?"

"Water's fine."

He turned and headed into the kitchen. I prowled the living room and noticed the long boxes propped against the wall. When he came back, I asked about them.

"Oh. My waterbed sprung a leak. I...guess I got used to having a bed. So I got a new one and have to put it together."

"You didn't have the delivery folks do it for you?"

"I like doing things myself. You want to help?" I frowned, and he punched me lightly on the shoulder. "If you help me put it up, you can help me break it in. Come on--I'm sick of sleeping on the couch."

"You could just sleep at my place."

"Scully panicks enough when she can't reach me here two nights a week, Walter."

"She knows where you are."

"She's jealous. We're going to need a hammer."

He disappeared in search of tools. I took one of the boxes and started dragging it towards the bedroom.

It took us almost an hour, partially because we needed three people and partially because Fox kept stopping to kiss me. I finally threatened to duct-tape his mouth shut if he didn't stop. "Motherfucker," he responded amiably.

When we'd finally wrestled the mattress and box springs into place and made the bed, he flopped down on it. "Try it."

I lay down next to him. "It's certainly more tasteful than your last bed."

"Those sheets were *not* my fault."

"Still. Grey and navy blue are much nicer."

"Want to try them out?"

"Not really."

"C'mon." He turned on his side and began stroking my body, and I became aware of how many clothes I'd shed in the past hour. I was down to my undershirt and pants--suit jacket, shirt, tie, socks and shoes gone. Even my belt. The intimacy of it was startling and erotic. He took my glasses off and put them on the bedside table. "Your eyes get soft when I do that. Unfocussed. I love it." He leaned down and kissed my eyes, his mouth gentle on my skin. "I love it when you breathe out like that when I touch you, like it's such a relief to have me with you."

"It is."

"I think you're in love with me, Walter."

"Dammit, Fox--"

He laughed and slid his hand down my body, cupped my penis through my pants and squeezed. "You are, admit it."

"I've admitted it before. The first time."

"So you did." He undid the button on my pants and unzipped them slowly. "What are we going to do about Scully?"

"Kidnap her and spank some sense into her?"

"I love the way you think, Walter. Now, would you mind thinking with your other head for a while?"

I flipped over and pinned him to the bed, then grabbed his shoulders and bounced his upper body against the mattress. "Gladly."

"Watch it with the rough stuff, lover. We want to break it in, not break it."

I bounced his shoulders again. "Did you just call me lover?"

"Yes." He bucked under me, trying to flip me. "Watcha gonna do about it?"

In answer I stripped off my shirt, then his. "What do you think I'm going to do about it, Fox?"

\---  
End of "Little Star".  
Next ROL story will be "Mer Girl". In which the promised M/Sc and M/Sk/Sc scenes come into play. Really.

In theory, "Mer Girl" will also be the last of the series. But I'm having such fun with it that I may expand. We'll see.

 

* * *

 

"Ray of Light XIII: Mer Girl" by Laura Jacquez Valentine  
Title: Ray of Light XIII: Mer Girl  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone. (These codes are *series* codes and may not all apply to this part of the series. Although in this instance, they do. Yum.)  
Spoilers: various, up to Arcadia  
Rating: NC-17 for m/m, m/f, m/f/m, m/m/f sex. You were warned. Also language.  
Summary: This is the thirteenth in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Mer Girl takes place after Arcadia, but it also takes place after Monday (which was after Arcadia, near as I can tell). Only Skinner hadn't been told about Mulder's teasing yet, so this is what happens when he finds out. Yah!  
Disclaimer: FOX. 1013. Chris Carter. Not me.  
In my own little X-Files universe, Diana is Mulder's ex-wife, which explains the wedding ring in Travellers and Unusual Suspects.  
Although the titles for the series come from Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. Feedback to or   
This is the last song on _Ray of Light_, but whether I'll continue the series is still up in the air. If you have an opinion, feed me back.

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

Fox and I were watching reruns of the Dick Van Dyke Show on his couch two nights ago, and I took the opportunity to tease him about the first case I'd given him when he and Dana returned to the X-Files.

"Not one of your better plans, lover."

"Oh?"

"Come *on*. Did you think she wouldn't see right through that?"

"See through what?" I blinked at him and tried to look innocent.

He turned off the TV. "Look. Let's just get it out in the open. Yes, I want to fuck Scully. No, I wasn't going to on a case. Yes, I teased her a little too much. No, she is not ever going to fuck me; she thinks I'm too screwed up, and I'm fine with that. Satisfied?"

"Jesus, Fox--"

"Besides, Walt, you haven't gone back for seconds, how good could it be?"

"That's a rotten thing to say. Especially since it was actually quite enjoyable."

"Yeah, well." He fell silent and I thought about letting the matter drop. He turned the TV back on and settled into the couch.

But... "Did you say you teased her?"

"Yeah."

"What about?"

"Just teasing, Walt. God."

"Huh." I picked up the phone.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Dana? Hi, it's me. I'm over at Fox's. Come over, will you?"

"Son of a--" Fox grabbed the phone. "Scully? Scully?" He threw it at me. "She hung up." He glared at me. "And since when do you call her Dana?"

"Since I feel like it, you pain in the ass."

"Hello, my ass is usually on the receiving end here."

"Not always."

"Most of the time."

"Shut up," I said, aimably. "We need to clean up before she gets here."

"Why?"

"Because, lover, we are going to take her to bed."

\----

It took some persuading, but Fox eventually gave in and helped me clean. I poked around in the kitchen, hoping to find something I could cook, until Fox chased me out and started making dinner. I let him, because he's a much better cook than I am. With the amount of junkfood he eats, I'd been surprised the first time he'd cooked for me. And even more surprised that it had rivalled Sharon's cooking.

So when Dana knocked on the door, I answered it, rather than interrupt Fox. He might not be the easily-damaged creature I used to think he was--but his cooking might be.

"Hi. Fox is making dinner."

"Why did you call?" No dissembling.

"I..." I looked over my shoulder at the kitchen and wondered if we should disturb Mulder after all.

"What's he making? Mac and cheese?" She headed past me to talk to her partner. My lover. I followed.

Fox was dancing as he worked, singing along with Soft Cell's "Tainted Love" on the radio. He tossed some raisins and peppers into a large pan and then cut into a monstrous red onion. 

"...oooh, tainted love..." He bounced happily as he sang, and didn't seem to be aware of the two of us in the doorway.

There was something unbearably erotic about him, about the joy he found in cooking and singing to himself. The old jeans he wore were mine, and they were worn through on part of one thigh. His hair was tousled, and he was wearing one of his many grey t-shirts. I yanked my attention away from him and saw that Dana was breathing too quickly, and that her nipples were erect beneath her blouse. 

Oh sweet Jesus--

"Mulder," Dana said, breaking the spell.

"Hey, Scully." He grinned at her, then winked at me. "Well, Walt, I'm barefoot in the kitchen. Now you need to get me pregnant."

"With all the technological advances these days, I'm sure that will be possible soon."

"I can hardly wait." He picked up an eggplant and eyed me speculatively.

"Down, boy," I said mildly.

"Oh, c'mon. I taught you how to dice. That's all I need."

"Fine." I took the eggplant and found a vegetable knife in the utensil drawer. Dana looked a little shell-shocked. "I was surprised, too. Who would've thought Mr. Takeout could cook?"

"No point in cooking for one, lover. Scully, hand me that garlic press, will you?"

She did so. "So. Um. Mulder. How long--"

"Oooh, look, Walt, she didn't think I could sustain a normal relationship either! I'm so lucky to have a partner who thinks so highly of me."

"You can't blame her, Fox. You act like an idiot a lot."

He tossed the onion into the pot and started crushing garlic on top of the growing pile. "Spinach pasta or saffron rice?"

"I'm allergic to saffron," Scully said. 

"Spinach it is." He disappeared into the pantry.

"Are you two going to tell me what this is about?"

"Well--" Fox's voice was muffled by the door. "Walt wants to get you into bed, and I want to fix you dinner first. Trust me, you're going to need your strength."

I started to choke.

Fox poked his head out of the pantry and stared at me in concern. "Walt, don't dice it so fine you're inhaling it."

A soft thump alerted us both to the fact that Dana was now sitting on the floor, leaning against the doorframe, staring at us in shock.

Oh, God...

\--- 

To her credit, she recovered quickly. Which was a relief, because Fox decided the best tactic was to ignore her and continue cooking. I would no sooner go over and start trying to talk to her than he would assign me to chopping something or measuring something else.

After a few minutes, she stood up and dusted herself off. "Were, ah," she began. We stopped and looked at her. "Were you going to ask me about this?"

"No, actually," Fox replied. "Walter was going to kidnap you and spank you, but I thought that dinner might be a better way of persuading you--"

"Cut the crap, Mulder."

He raised an eyebrow and stirred the veggies. "Walter, there are chicken breasts marinating in the fridge. Could you get them out for me?"

"Mulder!"

He looked at her. "Scully. You think I'm one royally fucked up excuse for a human being. Fine. Walter here thinks we can convince you otherwise. I think you're a hopeless case and that we should just let you be. But no one is going to be happy about this until he tries to make you see what he thinks is sense. He'll nag me about it every day. He'll bring it up during sex. My life won't be worth living until he gives it his best shot, so you'd better just be prepared to deal with it."

I put the chicken breasts on the counter and threw a dishtowel at his head.

"See what I mean, Scully?" He turned back to the vegetables.

"You *are* a royally fucked up excuse for a human being." She crossed her arms and stared at him.

"Told you it was hopeless, Walter."

I frowned. "You're wrong, Dana. You're dead wrong about him."

"Look, I appreciate that you're his boyfriend and all, but--"

"Agent Scully!" She froze. "Agent, has it occurred to you that such a skewed view of your partner is dangerous in the field?"

"Sir, with all due--"

"I suggest you rethink your position, Agent. Both personally and professionally."

She folded her arms and glared at me. When I didn't flinch, she glared at Fox. He was absorbed in cooking, however, and failed to notice her. Finally she sighed. "Sir, why don't you think he's fucked up?"

"I don't deny that he has problems, Agent. He has had a number of traumatic experiences and has made some extremely ill-informed decisions in the past. However, he is intelligent, stable, has good impulse control, passes both his psychs and his physicals with flying colors, and is extraordinarily resistant to stress. He has been under the pressure of a certain conspiracy since he was very young, and has always maintained his ability to fight that pressure. In fact, he utterly failed to crack under the strain. He occasionally gets very fucked up by certain profiling cases, but this is not unusual among the better profilers and should not be held against him. He is resiliant and quite intuitive, making him a valuable asset despite his disregard of authority, which dates back to his time under Patterson, although not before, which leads me to speculate that Patterson in some way abused Agent Mulder's trust in authority and thus set him on his present course."

I heard Fox trying not to laugh, and pointedly ignored him. Scully was staring at me, open-mouthed.

"On a more personal note, Dana, he's really incredible in bed."

"Dinner," Fox announced, "will be ready in 2 minutes."

"I mean it," I said. "Really, really incredible. The most talented mouth and hands in the Bureau."

"Walter, can you set the table?"

"Isn't there any way I can persuade you to try it, Dana?"

She still had her mouth open. I reached out and pushed her chin up. She just stared at me for a moment, then turned to Fox.

"Is there anything you'd like me to carry in for you?"

I smiled at him over her head. As she left the room with a bowl of pasta, he winked at me. "Walter 1, Scully 0," he said. "You may actually win this war, lover. And if you do, I'm going to make you come so hard..."

"Promises, promises," I said as I pulled plates out of the cupboard.

\---

After dinner, Dana eyed us warily. "So."

"So?" I asked.

"Well..." she said. I looked over at Fox, who nodded. I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. He followed us in and leaned in the doorway as I sat down on the bed and settled her across my knees. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked, squirming in an extremely arousing manner.

"Kidnapping you and spanking some sense into you, my dear." I raised my hand and brought it down, hard enough to sting but not to hurt. She yelped and wiggled some more. I struck her again, a little softer.

"All right, all right!" She slid off of my lap onto the floor. I let her go, and she knelt next to my legs, staring at me. "Frankly, Walter," she said, "I doubt that his hands and mouth are any more talented than yours, but I'm willing to give it a try." She slid her hands over my thighs, reaching for the snap of my jeans. "But only if you play too."

I looked up and met Fox's eyes and he un-leaned and walked into the room, his bare feet silent on the floor. He bent down and kissed me, hard, then drew Dana up between us, pressing her between our bodies. Oh God--

He broke the kiss and her mouth found mine, as sweet and wonderful as it had been that first time. Fox was undressing us both--I could feel his hands on me, then my clothes were gone, and then hers and I knew neither I nor she had done it--and then himself and he was curled behind me, his cock hard against my ass, one hand between me and Dana, stroking between her legs until she shuddered and cried out against my mouth.

I chuckled and slid away from them, intent on the nightstand drawer, where Fox kept the condoms and lubricant. Halfway there Dana grabbed my hips and licked the head of my penis. I froze--hadn't been expecting that--and then she lowered her head and Goddamn whoever taught that woman to give head taught her well. If Fox hadn't pulled her away and kissed her--well.

I took two condoms from the drawer and tossed one to him, which he caught without looking up. Dana pulled back and looked at him, then at me.

"Nanotech," I said, and she nodded, her eyes clearing. I was relieved not to have to explain further.

I sat back to watch them, the two people I'd dreamed about for so long--

She wrapped her legs around him as he entered her, arched her back, closed her eyes. "Oh, God," she whispered, "oh God." He moved against her, the long muscles of his legs clenching and releasing, sweat streaking his back. "Oh God," she said again, and I saw her tremble, hovering on the edge of orgasm.

"Walter, please," Fox said, holding himself very still. "Please."

I moved towards them, knelt behind them, and began to prepare Fox. I brushed his prostate with my fingers and he thrust into her; I withdrew slightly and he moved back against my hand. "Please," he said, and I wiped my hand on my discarded shirt and put on the condom, slicked it with lubricant, and reached for Dana.

I lifted her easily, pulling her against Fox and then him back against me, so that his weight was on my thighs and she was on his lap. He buried his face in her breasts--those beautiful alabaster breasts--and shuddered; I wrapped one arm around them both and leaned back on the other.

Oh God, I thought as I thrust into him and he into her, I swear if you let me keep them I'll do anything you want. I swear--and I angled a thrust to hit Fox's prostate, so that he cried out and came, taking Dana and I with him--anything, I swear, if I can just keep them.

Afterwards, Dana snuggled between us. Fox lazily reached over her and stroked my hip. "Walter 2, Scully 0," he said. "I told you I'd make you come hard if you won, and you did, and I did. Wasn't it nice?"

"Mmm," I replied.

"What do I get out of this?" Dana asked, nuzzling my chest.

"Great sex and two devoted boyfriends?"

"Damn, and I wanted a houseboy."

That was two nights ago.

Dana is already here, at my place, rearranging furniture. She claims I have no sense of room design. Fox has gone shopping--he promised to make dinner again--but I suspect he's actually making a side trip to the AdultMart. He claims he'd make an adorable houseboy.

Well, he would. Of course, so would I.

\---

End part 4.  
End of story.  
End (for now) of the Ray of Light series. 

For anyone who cares, the recipe that Mulder is making in this story can be found here: Gay.Com Food & Wine. It's the "Chicken with Mediterranean Vegetables" recipe. 

 

* * *

 

11 May 1999  
Title: Little Wonder  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone. (These codes are *series* codes and may not all apply to this part of the series.)  
Spoilers: up to Field Trip  
Rating: PG  
Summary: This is the fourteenth in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Little Wonder takes place during Field Trip.  
Disclaimer: FOX. 1013. Chris Carter. Not me.  
In my own little X-Files universe, Diana is Mulder's ex-wife, which explains the wedding ring in Travellers and Unusual Suspects.  
The titles for the first 13 stories in this series came from Madonna's _Ray of Light_. The title for this installment comes from David Bowie's _EARTHLING_.  
Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

Fox and Dana were investigating the mysterious appearance of two skeletons on Brown Mountain. It was nothing unusual--at least not for them. Why, then, was I so uneasy?

Why did I cancel all my appointments and fly to North Carolina?

It turns out it was a good thing I did, but that doesn't explain how or why it happened.

It doesn't explain how I knew.

I was sitting in my office, reviewing some paperwork, when suddenly I needed to be with them.

It was a like a panic attack: fear compressed my chest, and I...I slammed the door of my office open and told Kim to book me on the next flight and cancel all my appointments, and to do it now.

Now.

Now.

Now wasn't soon enough.

I fell asleep on the plane and dreamed. Dana was saying something about digestive juices and mushrooms.

As soon as we landed I tried to call them. No answer on either cellphone. I cursed softly and called the medical examiner's.

They'd both gone missing, just a few hours ago.

I closed my eyes. Dana said something about mushrooms. There was a report, in front of my eyes. I could read it; I could smell her perfume and his aftershave.

I could hear the report of a gun and Mulder screaming that it wasn't real.

"Get a search and rescue team out. No dogs. Make sure everyone wears breath filters. And tell me how to get to where they were."

I met the team next to the SUV Fox had rented and grabbed a spare mask. "They're underground. There are mushrooms around with powerful hallucinogen in their spores--the masks will keep it out. We need to find where underground they are, and get them out."

They looked at me like I was insane, and I wondered: is this how Fox feels everyday?

"Get to it," I growled, and they scattered.

I closed my eyes and tried to still the panic.

Something had told me they were in trouble.

Something had told me why.

Maybe something would tell me where.

I walked over the ground, my eyes still closed, feeling my way up the hill.

And I knew.

They were underneath me. I opened my eyes and stared at the soft turf. I fell to my knees and began to dig, my fingers scrabbling madly at the dirt and grass, pulling it up and throwing it to the side. "They're here!" I called, through my mask, just as I found Fox's hand.

I felt the pulse beat strongly, though slowly, under my fingers. Still alive. Oh God, still alive.

When they were safe in the ambulance, I turned to the medical examiner, standing by my side. "That stuff--"

"Not too strong. It...takes a while to get through the skin. The tissue underneath has less protection--gets eaten away quickly. After all--" He picked up my hand, which was covered in the stuff. "Barely even stings, right? Not even as bad as heartburn."

"Right," I said, "Thanks." I headed for my car to follow them to the hospital. 

They're both sleeping now, my lovers, their skin reddened and marked by the slime, but otherwise unhurt.

And I'm left wondering if I am an X-File, now. 

Because I have no idea how I knew.

How I could know.

I hope Fox never asks how I knew they needed me.

I'm terrified of what the answer might be.

\--  
The End.

 

* * *

 

17 May 1999  
Title: Velvet Goldmine  
Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine ()  
Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc. Something to offend everyone. (These codes are *series* codes and may not all apply to this part of the series.)  
Spoilers: up to Field Trip  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: This is the fifteenth in a series of stories about the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and Scully. Velvet Goldmine takes place after Field Trip.  
Disclaimer: FOX. 1013. Chris Carter. Not me.  
In my own little X-Files universe, Diana is Mulder's ex-wife, which explains the wedding ring in Travellers and Unusual Suspects.  
The titles for the first 13 stories in this series came from Madonna's _Ray of Light_. The title for this installment comes from David Bowie's B-side "Velvet Goldmine", also available on the Ryko Sound+Vision reissue of _The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars_.   
Feedback to or 

* * *

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner

I knew they'd come. I rubbed my eyes and stared out the window, trying not to shake as I heard the key in the lock.

I'd thought of changing the locks to keep them out. But I couldn't run forever, and sooner or later Fox was bound to look at me and see that I had another secret behind my eyes.

I'd never been sure what Krycek would do to me if I told Fox and Dana about that. It's a sick feeling in my gut, not knowing what he's going to ask of me, and when. Maybe that's another reason I didn't change the locks and run. I needed them while I could have them, needed them now in case he took them away later.

"Walt." Fox's voice, soft behind me. I didn't turn to look at him, and eventually he moved away. I heard the rustling of paper, and knew he'd brought groceries. I heard Dana breathing.

She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her head against my back, just below my shoulder blades. God, she's small. If I didn't know better, I would think she was frail.

I found myself remembering the first time I felt her body against mine, in the elevator at the Hoover.

And later, her legs locked around my waist, her head flung back.

I shuddered and her arms tightened, pulling me closer. "What's wrong?" Her voice was as soft as his had been.

Sharon used to hold me like this, when I had nightmares or when I stood for hours looking at nothing. I never spoke to her when she did that. I thought she knew how much it helped, but maybe she didn't. Maybe that was one of the silences that killed our marriage.

"I knew you were in trouble, Dana."

"How did you know?"

"I just knew."

Pots clattered in the kitchen and I heard the CD player Fox had put in there two weeks ago spin up, a whine on the edge of my hearing.

I shouldn't have been able to hear it, but I could.

Dana's heart beat, evenly and strongly, against my back.

David Bowie began singing in the kitchen. Fox joined in, his voice blending with the music. The pain hit suddenly as I realized how much younger they were than I.

I was too old for David Bowie. Too old to have been one of the colorful, androgynous children who loved him when they were fourteen. One of the children Fox had confessed to being in bed one night, telling Dana and I that he thought maybe Bowie was an alien, and if he listened to the music, maybe he could find out where his sister was.

The oven slammed and the CD flipped rapidly through songs.

Oh, God.

It was the song that always made me think of Dana.

Velvet Goldmine.

Her hair's hot red.

Naked on my chain.

Imagery I didn't need while feeling tired and sorry for myself.

As Fox bounced into the room I saw he knew exactly what he was doing to me. That son of a bitch.

And he was in front of me, between me and the window, his arms around my neck. I was trapped between him and Dana, feeling their hearts beat close to mine.

"I know what it's like, Walter," he said. "Don't you think it's happened to me, now and again? Irrational convictions, telling me to do something *now* or all Hell will break lose. The biggest X-File of all: how do we know these impossible things, and why?" 

I closed my eyes and let myself feel their heartbeats.

"I almost lost you," I said.

Dana turned her head and kissed me on the spine. Fox just held me closer.

Whatever was in the oven smelled wonderful. I waited in their arms for dinner to be ready.

\---  
The End.

Don't worry, there are at least two more installments in the Ray of Light series.

 

* * *

 


End file.
